It’s been quiet on the homefront lately. Dad is feeling much better and able to get around now so I didn’t go back this past weekend, just called to check up. Mom is still in lots of pain from some stomach problem and something in her hip that the doctors can’t seem to identify. I am totally amazed that she has not emotionally melted down completely. I know she’s miserable, i guess the cigarettes provide some distraction and the booze some relief.  I’m wonding when they’re going to tell her she has emphysema, thinking about that scares me for the future, I can’t stand to hear her struggling for breath even now, and it’s only going to get worse.

Is it bad that I feel glad about being close enough to help when needed but far enough that i don’t have to be there all the time? I’m just not sure I could handle seeing her suffer and self destruct every day. I don’t know how my dad does it, but to her credit she keeps a pretty positive attitude considering.

I suggested that we draw names for christmas this year instead of everyone buying gifts for everyone,  we have an extended family of 12 now with both of my brothers all the spouses and the kids, I had already picked out gifts for everyone and am a little sad that i won’t get to give them, but will be VERY relieved if I know that my parents did not spend a fortune they don’t have on gifts that none of us really need. Plus, they are so not in need of any more ‘stuff’ to fill up their house. We can get them what they really need for birthdays, or just anytime, just because. Anyway, I left the decision to my parents, so I hope they go for it.